Free Nonsense

The fourth Reich: USE

*By Miguel Heleno

When I started working at INESC Porto in March this year, I soon became aware of our building’s powerful dynamics. In fact, here, even the elevators contribute to the harmony between colleagues since they insist on stopping in every floor so that we can have extremely deep conversations, such as: “Going up?”; “No, going down.” We can even be in the worst state of depression, but with these comforting words, our day is bound to go well… On the other hand, the idea of having a kitchen inside the Unit is simply genius. What can be better that writing a report surrounded by the sweet scent of stew or that chicken rice that smells like our grandmother’s? If it weren’t for the Brazilians using this space to do Chimarrão (herbal tea), all would be perfect…

However, after all these months at INESC Porto, what amazed me the most was the Power System Unit’s ability to conquer territory. Our “armies” are taking over the building with such subtlety and mastery that King William the Conqueror would be jealous. It is certain we have always been supreme (other than in the football competition) in the ground floor. Look at the clear majority of our smokers at the entrance. However, more recently we’ve become authentic crusaders! The way we have been moving our trenches forward to USIG’s land is overwhelming, thanks to a small group of "special ops". We’ve even managed to convert one of their collaborators. Rumour has it that he’s converted because he has a brother that looks just like him in USE. But in the end only one thing will remain in the history books: yesterday he was a simple programmer. Today he’s yet another “soldier fighting for Electric Mobility”! (if there was a way to reproduce an evil laughter in writing, I would not hesitate to use it here).

And this is not the end of it. We’ve already sent to the basement a group of explorers willing to survive conditions that would make 007 cry on his mamma’s lap… This certainly spread panic with INESC Porto’s collaborators and many questions must have occurred to them: “Are there any conditions for life down there?”, “Are we next?”, “What happened to the elves that lived down there?”… Take it easy. This is just one more step. The world is too small for the Power Systems Unit...! As far as the elves are concerned, I’m sure they can be used to drive electric vehicle prototypes.

*Collaborator at the Power Systems Unit (USE)